Irritation

Jun. 29th, 2004 07:46 pm
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I've just been reminded yet again of how ridiculously sensitive my body is. While washing my hair just now, I had my eyes shut tight but still somehow managed to get soap in them, and it hasn't stopped burning yet. Rrrgh.
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OKC's got a few new personality parameters. Evidently they've determined I'm not terribly well-mannered, and also that I'm very uncool. In fact, they're more certain of how uncool I am than of how non-Republican I am.

Now the question is, just how are they defining "cool"? If they mean in a mainstream sense, I guess I can't argue and in fact should probably be proud. And that probably is what they mean--it's just that I encounter such a slanted cross-section of the people on the site, I forget sometimes that it doesn't just cater to geeks.
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Last time I checked, I could've sworn my birthday was a couple of months off. The other day, I realized it's now a couple of weeks off. It's gone and snuck up on me.

Now, what the hell am I gonna do about it? I don't want to throw a party or anything, but I'd like to do something nice with a friend or two. Can't think what, though, especially with the Tight Budget and all.
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I asked my dad if I could call him sometime soon and have him read me some numbers off his tax return that I need to fill out financial aid forms. (I figured I should email before I called because he wasn't likely to have the information immediately to hand.) This was his reply:

"You can call me, but give me lots of notice. My desire to gather together tax forms and read them to people is thoroughly under control, perhaps even too much so. Like the Buddhists, I lost concern for this worldly thing, but I went beyond them and got to the point where the idea of doing it annoys me.

"I don't know if you ever read George Orwell's 'Confessions of a Book Reviewer.' In it, he says the book reviewer knows there's a check for two pounds somewhere in the litter on his desk, but 'the idea of looking for it, or of looking for anything, afflicts him with acute suicidal impulses.'

"Once again the Buddhist ideal, lack of concern for things of this world, has been pushed past the zero point into the realm of hyper-rejection.

"This may be the West's greatest religious achievement. I like to think so. Or at least I like to think so more than I like gathering tax returns."
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Last few job leads fizzled out. Just sent out another batch of resumes. Getting more desperate. Need luck.
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I haven't eaten a damn thing today, and yet I can barely make myself shove food in my mouth. This is unusual, but not terribly so; my appetite's been fairly erratic these days, and it's not surprising that after stuffing myself last night I should be less hungry today, but it is surprising that I'm apparently not at all hungry although I feel I ought to eat.

The problem is, I just don't trust my body to tell me what it needs. I figure I shouldn't go a whole day at a time without eating, and if I don't feel like eating then my body must be giving me the wrong signals...but then I end up being unsure if it's ever giving me the right signals, while at the same time feeling I ought to try and trust my instincts more than I've been doing.

It's very confusing. I have no idea whether I indulge my id too much or not enough.
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Weirdness. One of the questions on OKCupid is "Who did you like more as a kid, Bert or Ernie?" Trying to answer that question, I realized that I could not for the life of me remember. This wouldn't be quite so strange, except that I do remember having a strong preference for one of them--I just can't recall which.

I hate memory gaps. The more things I can't remember, the more I wonder if my entire life actually happened or if my past is one grand hallucination.
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Could the state of being flabbergasted be termed "flabbergasm"?

Auditions

Jun. 21st, 2004 12:27 am
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My choral group-slash-orchestra here in Berkeley will be performing Mozart's C minor Mass in a couple of months, and we're holding auditions next Sunday. Anyone who thinks they might be interested in participating, let me know and I'll send you our director's contact info. Pass the word along to anyone you know who plays or sings.
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Yow. That was one of the better thiry-some-hour stretches I've had in quite a while. Car and job issues had kept me and [livejournal.com profile] emmett_the_sane from spending much time together over the past several months, and neither of us was terribly happy with that; today and yesterday we accomplished some very thorough and much-needed reconnecting, on a number of levels. It's so nice to have him once again present in my life; I'd forgotten how much of a stabilizing force he's been for me. And of course he's an excellent person to bounce introspective musings off of, and even better at making me feel useful by bouncing introspective musings off of me in turn.

One bit of musing I've still got to mull over, though: it's become apparent that I open up a lot more the more consecutive hours I spend with someone. This is somewhat problematic for a person who has some difficulty opening up to people in general, and who furthermore doesn't often get to spend all that many consecutive hours with any one person. Seems I'll have to look into ways to fix that last thing, 'cause the first is gonna take a lot more work. Once again, I must loudly bemoan the existence of busy schedules.
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Hey [livejournal.com profile] angelbob, I think this would fit nicely into your theology. (If you're even reading LJ at the moment.)
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I've been playing a bit of online Scrabble lately. I'm not terribly good at it, but I had a lovely experience just now: I spelled "quiz" on a Triple Word Score. And I did it by turning "nary" into "unary," which is a pretty cool word in and of itself.
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Cut for those who are tired of seeing these )

Two interesting things:
1) I apparently reply to comments in my own journal more than anyone I know (er...more than anyone I know comments in their own journal, that is), though [livejournal.com profile] auros comes close. [Edit: Apparently [livejournal.com profile] imnotbob has me beat.]
2) I don't even know who some of the people toward the bottom are, although I'm sure I read their comments whenever it was they posted them.

Meta-meme

Jun. 11th, 2004 08:49 pm
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What amuses me most about the silly Russian sausage meme that went around yesterday is the fact that the guy I caught it from apparently deleted it almost immediately after it was posted, just as I did--and so did the person he'd gotten it from and the three people before that. In other words, five of us in a row were apparently checking our friends list so often that we each caught this post during a very brief window of existence. Are we all LJ-obsessed, or just a little too quick on the uptake for our own good?

*shakes head*
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I should absolutely not spend sixteen bucks on something so unnecessary to my daily functioning. I most certainly should not. But oh, the temptation!

(Who would have thought [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes would be the death of me?)
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Whence this massive, massive sugar craving? I'm used to desiring sugar and salt alternately, but tonight I've been wanting sugar for hours and consuming lots of ice cream hasn't assuaged the need any.
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I just got a call from someone I sent a resume to. They asked me a few questions and said they'll be calling people back for interviews over the next week or so, after some boss-type person has looked over the resumes.

IhopeIhopeIhopeIgetthisjob. I'm running out of places to apply to. Cross your fingers for me, send me good thoughts, burn a green candle--something.

Groaner

Jun. 9th, 2004 07:41 pm
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([livejournal.com profile] crossposted to [livejournal.com profile] puns and my personal journal)

I had this thought quite some time ago:

If I used to own a bar...

and then I shut it down and decided to retire...

but later changed my mind and reopened it...

would that make me a re-publican?


But what if I poured out the drinks with a liberal hand?
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My four-year-old video card has up and died on me. I've got a temporary replacement in place (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] mikz), but am in the market for a slightly spiffier permanent one. Anyone have any suggestions as to the best models and the cheapest places to find them? The old one was a Matrox Millennium G400 G4+, and I figure I might as well just get another of those, but if there's anything out there that's more reliable and/or better for my purposes, while being comparably priced or cheaper, I'd like to hear about it. I don't do any 3D gaming whatsoever these days, but I do play the occasional DVD and I like to run my 21" monitor at a fairly high resolution.

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