vvvexation: (Default)
I am sitting at my desk right now sucking ketchup directly out of the packet.  I haven't done this in years and years, and when I did use to do it it was usually only at the close of a meal, but a minute ago I was seized by a sudden craving and just happened to have the stuff around for the first time in quite a while.  It's not quite as satisfying as crunching salt crystals, but I'm still rather enjoying it.

Does anyone else out there occasionally or habitually consume condiments neat, or have I out-freaked you all?
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A benefit of Gmail I'm noticing (shush, Casey):  I used to keep two kinds of mail in my inbox:  things I needed to keep around, at least for a little while, for reference (like details of upcoming social events); and thoughtful emails I wanted to reply to at length but didn't have time for at the moment.  After one of the latter kind of email had been sitting around for a while, though, it was awfully easy to forget about it...and if I went long enough without remembering to reply to it, after a while a sort of overdue library book effect set in--I couldn't reply to it because it had just been too long and it would be embarrassing to admit I only just got to it.

Now that I'm using Gmail, though, I can immediately archive the first type of email, meaning that my inbox now contains almost nothing but the second kind.  Without the clutter, I remain much more aware of the important stuff and it's much less likely to fall by the wayside.  Now that I don't have to use it as a holding pen, I can actually set "get inbox down to zero" as a reasonable goal, and that motivates me even further.

I still wish they'd done the layout a little differently, though.
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There's just something wonderful about balloon hats.  Especially international balloon hats.
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I've been avoiding posting about all the crap that's stressing me out lately, and I'm not sure why.  I think it's mostly because I don't want to think too much about it--I have been discussing it with friends, but that's because those friends can then distract me, whereas when I'm alone it's easier to get into a serious funk.

However, right now I've got forms that need filling out rather badly, and people I need to see about them, and I'm balking like mad--almost having a panic reaction, in fact, at the thought of leaving my house to attempt to have business dealings that may not go so well.  Not sure what to do about this, and not sure how writing it out will help, but not sure what else I'm capable of handling at the moment.  It looks like these errands will not happen today; I only hope I'll get up the nerve tomorrow.

Amidst the stressful crap, several happy things have been occurring as well.  Problem is, they're happy in a kind of scary way.  Emotional closeness is theoretically a good thing, but I fear that I'll want a mile if I'm given an inch, as it were.  Recently I've learned the hard way about limits, and I'm now deathly afraid to test them in similar situations.

Fear truly is the mind-killer.  I don't want to be afraid, but I don't know how not to be.
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Was anyone planning on seeing Tempest at the Plough tonight?  I'm still not sure if I will, but if I do go, will there be familiar folks to bust a move with?


Jul. 22nd, 2004 04:23 pm
vvvexation: (silly)
All my clothes are black
yet they all are different shades.
Damn washing machine.

([livejournal.com profile] strangestgirl hath spoke:
Go and write bad goth haiku!
And then read the rest.)
vvvexation: (Default)
I am awake now because trees are being mangled across the street from me.

I am not amused.
vvvexation: (Default)
Today's fortune cookie says "You will never know hunger."  I think that may be the only fortune I've ever seen that gets positively worse when you add "in bed."  I mean, hunger in bed is a fun thing, right?

Well, at least it's definite.  After all those fortunes that simply make vague generalizations, say things about my personality as a whole, or cover their asses with "you might do such-and-such," it's refreshing to see one that makes a clear and emphatic statement about the future like it's supposed to.
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Huh.  I just submitted my financial aid application for next year (yes, I know I'm terribly late), and on the confirmation page they showed my Estimated Family Contribution as *gasp* less money than my parents actually make--in fact less than my living expenses alone.  I know this doesn't sound like it ought to be a big deal, but in previous years it hasn't been the case.  I'm not sure what's changed, but does this mean I might actually be eligible for grants as well as loans this year?

*crosses fingers*

Oh, and I seem to have a job.  It's independent contract work, so I'm not sure how many hours I'll actually end up working, but with luck it'll be enough to supplement out the financial aid income.  The per-hour rate is good, so I won't need to work many hours a week, and I can be flexible as hell with scheduling. 

*tentative "w00t"*
vvvexation: (blah)
My choir director told me about a possible paid gig with a church choir in Oakland.  I dropped by today to audition and somehow ended up committing to sing with them this Sunday.  At nine in the morning.

Nine in the morning. 

Those who know me will understand just how I feel about this.

It gets better.  I'd already made plans to go to Rocky this week, which I am not canceling because I only get to do Rocky a couple of times a year; since public transit doesn't run that late, I can only go when friends with cars are going, and my friends are a sadly infrequently Rocky-visiting bunch.  So, on Sunday morning I will be singing on no more than five hours of sleep, with a throat hoarse from two hours of shouting.

Let's all point at V and laugh, children.
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For various reasons, I'm not going to do that crush meme that's going around.  However, I will say a few things:

  • There are, by my count, ten people on my friends list who I'm pretty sure already know I like them--hell, I'm dating half of them, FCVO "dating."

  • There are a few people on my list who I've gone "ooh, shiny" at in the past, and have since realized, for various reasons (including batting-for-the-wrong-team issues), that this shininess is not really going anywhere.

  • There are a few more people who I'm still trying to decide if I'm attracted to.  Some of them I've actually spoken to about this and some of them I haven't.

  • Not counting those, there are by my count eight people on my friends list who I'm attracted to at least enough that I'd kinda like to go on a date er somethin with them, and who I'm not sure are aware of this, though I have reason to think a few of them may be.  What's kind of sad is that half of them I haven't even met in person; those ones, at least, I'm pretty sure don't know.  Though of course they may now be wondering....

Actually, the distinction between the first and last categories on that list is pretty arbitrary--I've just taken the range of "degree of certainty that they know I'm attracted to them" and cut it off at a point that seems to make sense on a gut level, but I've erred on the side of putting people in the latter category and there are really several borderline cases.

(This is where I begin to suspect I'm overthinking this.)

One thing to note, though, is that none of these secret crushes or whatever you want to call them are the deep pining kind or anything.  It'd be cool if something happened there--if not, I'm not bothered.  (Now, a couple of the non-secret ones have a certain element of mooniness to them, but that's a different story.)

I think I'll auto-screen comments to this post.  I'll probably unscreen some of them; I may not reply to any of them.
vvvexation: (Default)
A couple of days ago I spoke to my ninety-some-year-old grandfather on the phone--it was a duty call, as I don't terribly enjoy talking to him, one of the reasons being that he's always trying to push upon me various gadgets that he's come up with.  He sent me some storage boxes with sliding doors a while ago that I palmed off on my roommate, and earlier this year he almost forced a new desk on me despite my repeated protestations that I already had quite a good one and absolutely no room for another.  He apparently has this very strong need to feel useful; personally, I think he could make himself a lot more useful by using some of that money he's got sitting around to help finance my education instead of sending me such a plethora of physical objects, the overabundance of which in my life is already effectively driving my rent up.  But there's really no tactful way of telling him that.

However, on this occasion an unexpected reversal of our usual pattern took place.  One of his major kicks, besides discoursing at length on the psychology of tennis (he was both an avid tennis player and a professor of psychology in his younger days) and describing his visits with medical professionals in detail to anyone who will listen, is devising novel (or, to his mind, revolutionary) organizational systems.  But this time, when he once again asked me how I was currently keeping things organized--preparatory, of course, to an attempt to sell me on some complicated piece of pen-and-paper gimmickry--I was able to tell him that I had me a nice little electronic gadget to handle such things.  And lo and behold, within minutes I seemed to have sold him on it.  He told me he'd look into getting one.

This is rather mind-boggling to one who knows my granddad.  I mean, this is a guy who I don't think has ever sent an email in his life--at least, judging from the fact that when he told me his accountant's email address (for some reason he wanted me as well as my aunt to have his lawyer's and accountant's information "in case something happened to him"), he read off the user name and then said with a large question mark in his voice, "um...after that there's this thing that looks kind of like an A in a circle...."  So, as you can imagine, I'm a little worried about just how he's going to handle having an electronic organizer in his life.  I thought at first that he might not actually go through with it--after all, he once spoke of getting one of those little web-access machines that you can only send email on and nothing else, and as far as I know he never got around to doing it.  But today he called me again to let me know that he'd gone out and looked at both handhelds and laptops, and wasn't sure which he should get.  I choked a little at this, and informed him gently but firmly that for his purposes he does not need a laptop.  Now I hold my breath in anticipation of his next few phone calls, which at this rate will no doubt be frantic (or the plodding ninety-year-old version of frantic) requests for tech support.  I'm not sure I want to contemplate trying to explain the ins and outs of PalmOS to him over the phone in a way he'll understand.

I remember my dad having to help his dad (my other grandfather) program his VCR during his declining years.  I didn't think I'd be taking on a similar yet much more complex role before I hit thirty.  Or hell, ever, given that my dad at sixty-one is at least tech-savvy enough to write simple programs in QBasic.

But more importantly, the very thought of my grandfather owning anything that has software on it seems to me like it must be a sign of the apocalypse.
vvvexation: (Default)
Many thanks to everyone who offered suggestions in response to my last post.  HexEdit seems to have done the trick, is the good news; the bad news is that the files I was hoping to recover appear not to be among those assiduously-combed fragments.  *sigh* Ah well.
vvvexation: (Default)
I've got some file fragments on my computer left over from a hard drive crash a while ago, and I've been going through them looking for the remains of some text files I'd rather not have lost.  A couple of them, though, are apparently too big for me to open either with Notepad or in DOS Edit mode without the system hanging.  Is there any other program I can use to get at the contents, or is there a way I can somehow break them into pieces of more manageable size?
vvvexation: (Default)
I see way too many people on LJ getting words like "phase" and "faze" mixed up. If you're one of those people, go here and actually read the answers. Please. For the love of all that is holy.
vvvexation: (Default)
So I did the interests suggestion meme, and most of the top interests are things like "music" and "reading" which I don't have on my interests list because they're so generic it's pointless to mention them. But number 8 on the list is "Tori Amos."

Boy, am I curious to know why she and no other specific artist made the list.
vvvexation: (whistle)
Well, it looks like we are go for karaoke. Yay! Now, I lack the means to actually get people to the Mint, so I'm afraid y'all will have to make your own way there. I believe it's right on the F line down Market if you're transiting, and I also believe parking's not terrible on a Thursday afternoon/evening.

I plan to arrive around 4, when it should still be fairly quiet; feel free to trickle in any time after that--or hell, before that if you really want to. If I recall correctly, by 8 or so it gets crowded enough that you have to wait almost an hour between songs, so if you anticipate doing a lot of singing it probably behooves you to get there before then. I'll probably stay till 10 or so; don't feel obligated to do the same. If dinner becomes an issue, there's a sushi place next door (buying food there counts toward the two-drink minimum at the Mint, though they don't enforce that minimum very strongly anyway) and other eateries somewhere in the vicinity.

Finally, try and let me know early on if there are any duets you wanna do. Those require more planning because they make you wait longer afterward for solos. The songbook's here if you'd like to Prepare Yourself in Advance. *ominous music*

Hope to see whoever can make it. Call, email or comment here with any further questions.
vvvexation: (Default)
Just had an idea--how many people'd be interested in karaoke at The Mint on Thursday? That'd be about my speed, as birthday celebrations go--and it's been too long since I went karaoking. If at least three or four people are up for it, I'll see about working out timing and such.

Hasty haiku

Jul. 5th, 2004 04:32 pm
vvvexation: (Default)
Why didn't someone
Tell me that today would be
World Blog Haiku Day?
vvvexation: (Default)
Just got back from watching the fireworks out at the Berkeley Marina with Various Folks. I was kinda surprised at how cold and overcast it was this late in the season, and I think the technicians hadn't planned for it either as a lot of the fireworks went off above the clouds and were visible to us only as diffused flashes of green or white, but overall the display was still pretty nice. Fireworks, however, are one of those things I just can't manage to be as impressed by any more as I used to be, and this saddens me considerably. Just because I've grown able to appreciate more sophisticated enjoyments, why should the simple ones lose their charm?

It's interesting how much my mood can change over the course of an evening, though. As we walked out to the marina and for quite a while after we'd staked out our spot on the grass, I just wasn't able to get warm (I really should have brought more than one sweater), and being too hot or too cold tends to make me cranky (though apparently crankiness does not interfere with my ability to hold my own in a pun war). But somehow, right before the fireworks started I found myself in a much better frame of mind. Perhaps it was because the surprisingly good hot chocolate I'd managed to get ahold of had warmed me up a teeny bit--or perhaps the swig of mead [livejournal.com profile] chrisfs doled out played more of a role in the warming-up. Or maybe it played a role in the cheering without even needing to play a role in the warming. It sounds kinda silly to think that one gulp of alcohol would have a noticeable effect on my mood, but I don't think it's utterly impossible as I do have an awfully low tolerance. At any rate, I mellowed out enough that even the small children screaming (and screaming and screaming) a few yards away didn't manage to piss me off terribly.

Further cheering occurred on the way back; any car ride that involves singing "Hare Krishna" to every tune you can think of is a good car ride. What with that and [livejournal.com profile] fyfer's much-appreciated sharing of her cryptic crosswords (I've been missing Frank Lewis's puzzles terribly, but not quite enough to make room in my budget for a subscription to The Nation), I was in a good enough mood not to mind when I missed the last train home by about a minute and had to walk a mile across Berkeley. If anything, I rather enjoyed it, and it's been a while since I enjoyed long walks. The weather around here makes it difficult to be properly dressed for them, but tonight my one sweater was apparently just perfect once I was moving briskly through a part of town that wasn't catching the wind off the bay. And I'm glad I got the exercise.

Now I must sleep. Tomorrow I have an early shrink appointment, and then a date that ought to be Much Fun.


vvvexation: (Default)

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