vvvexation (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vvvexation) wrote2009-11-14 02:37 am
vvvexation) wrote2009-11-14 02:37 am
Entry tags:
Writer's Block: Chemistry test
[Error: unknown template qotd]
My idea of what kind of people I want to be in relationships with has gotten more refined as I've gotten older, but I think age has less to do with it than experience--I've learned what I do and don't want in a partner based on what has and hasn't worked in the actual relationships I've had. And I'm still not sure I have an idea of "the" perfect partner, since 1) I figure it's unlikely I'd ever encounter an instantiation of that idea and 2) some ideal traits sort of depend for their idealness on what other traits appear alongside them. More importantly, there's a sort of circular effect whereby the traits I'd want a partner to have depend partly on what kind of relationship I want with them in the first place, and that in turn probably depends partly on some of their other traits.
As for the "laws of attraction," I've never really set out to resist them, because I don't seem to have a pattern of falling for people who are terrible for me. I've had some relationships that didn't go so great, and I think to some extent I've just naturally become less attracted to people who have the sort of attributes that caused those relationships to go badly, or at least I've become less inclined to act on my attraction to them if I do feel it. But I haven't had to make a positive effort to steer myself toward people who are better for me, because there always have been plenty of those in the pool of people I was attracted to in the first place.
So although in general I figure people can exert some influence on their own desires, I'm not really in a position to say how much they can or how they should go about it, because I've been lucky enough not to have to make a conscious effort to do so.
My idea of what kind of people I want to be in relationships with has gotten more refined as I've gotten older, but I think age has less to do with it than experience--I've learned what I do and don't want in a partner based on what has and hasn't worked in the actual relationships I've had. And I'm still not sure I have an idea of "the" perfect partner, since 1) I figure it's unlikely I'd ever encounter an instantiation of that idea and 2) some ideal traits sort of depend for their idealness on what other traits appear alongside them. More importantly, there's a sort of circular effect whereby the traits I'd want a partner to have depend partly on what kind of relationship I want with them in the first place, and that in turn probably depends partly on some of their other traits.
As for the "laws of attraction," I've never really set out to resist them, because I don't seem to have a pattern of falling for people who are terrible for me. I've had some relationships that didn't go so great, and I think to some extent I've just naturally become less attracted to people who have the sort of attributes that caused those relationships to go badly, or at least I've become less inclined to act on my attraction to them if I do feel it. But I haven't had to make a positive effort to steer myself toward people who are better for me, because there always have been plenty of those in the pool of people I was attracted to in the first place.
So although in general I figure people can exert some influence on their own desires, I'm not really in a position to say how much they can or how they should go about it, because I've been lucky enough not to have to make a conscious effort to do so.