vvvexation (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vvvexation) wrote2004-09-01 06:27 pm
vvvexation) wrote2004-09-01 06:27 pm
Yet another anti-meme: Languages of Love
I had to stop about five questions into that Love Languages quiz everyone is doing, when I realized that the things I was putting a higher priority on were not so much the things I most value, but more the things I don't currently get as much of. Physical touch, for example, is important to me, but I've never really had to think about how important it is because I've hardly ever been involved with someone to whom it didn't seem to come naturally. Verbal affirmation, on the other hand, is something I get less than ideal amounts of (though that's probably due in part to the fact that most of my relationships are pretty ill-defined and thus tough to speak about), so I find myself choosing that as a higher priority because I'd like more of it than I generally get, but not because I'd like more of it than of physical contact.
Frankly, all five of the things listed are important to me, and I really can't say which is the most important. I'm not even sure it's right to pick one. I think in any serious relationship all five of those would have to be present in different amounts, and the amounts can't really be compared because they're on different scales. What matters is not whether I get more of love-expression A than of love-expression B, but whether I get enough of each.
Come to think of it, that's a bit like the way I approach poly. I don't care whether I see more of person A than person B; I care about whether I see each of them as often as I want to, and of course this goes for energy, emotional depth, and other such things as well as time. But it may appear sometimes that I care more about spending time with person A than person B, simply because I don't see person A as often as I'd like and do see person B as often as I'd like, and will thus generally prefer to spend time with A on the few occasions when I have to choose between them.
Frankly, all five of the things listed are important to me, and I really can't say which is the most important. I'm not even sure it's right to pick one. I think in any serious relationship all five of those would have to be present in different amounts, and the amounts can't really be compared because they're on different scales. What matters is not whether I get more of love-expression A than of love-expression B, but whether I get enough of each.
Come to think of it, that's a bit like the way I approach poly. I don't care whether I see more of person A than person B; I care about whether I see each of them as often as I want to, and of course this goes for energy, emotional depth, and other such things as well as time. But it may appear sometimes that I care more about spending time with person A than person B, simply because I don't see person A as often as I'd like and do see person B as often as I'd like, and will thus generally prefer to spend time with A on the few occasions when I have to choose between them.
no subject
skin-hungry cuddle slutperson who values touch. We seem to speak the same language, that way, and though I don't mind verbal affirmation, I only really need it in stressful situations where we're working out problems, and I need to know that I'm still okay with him.Interestingly, though, it seems as if whether or not the languages of love quizthing was something you could finish, it's still something of value: It helped you figure out information about yourself that might come in handy.
no subject