I hadn't fully realized that before, I guess. Gods know I ought to have done--I mean, when I was ten I had episodes of not caring whether I lived or not, and it took me another decade to realize there was something wrong with that--but somehow I feel like that was different. Like, how can I still be depressed if I don't really feel depressed? Except that I do still feel kinda depressed, just not as much as I used to and not any more than I did a year ago, so how can my other symptoms be getting worse? I still don't quite get it. Maybe I'm just being stubborn.