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Avoiding repetition
Jun. 29th, 2005 01:02 amA friend had this to say recently, and it describes perfectly something I've observed about myself for a long time:
For me, it's not just that I won't seek someone out to tell them something if I've already told it to someone else; even if someone seeks me out and specifically asks about it, I still won't want to go into very much detail because I so hate repeating myself. This results, I think, in my appearing to brush people off sometimes, and I don't like doing that.
Another aspect of this mess is that I can usually vaguely remember having told a friend about something, but have a very hard time remembering which friend I told. I'm fortunate to have very understanding sweeties, because it's a little embarrassing to be constantly saying "did I have this conversation with you, or was it one of my other boyfriends?" And this probably feeds into the not repeating things to some extent, as I sometimes just assume unthinkingly that I have already told the person I'm talking to.
I feel like I could change this if I were willing to, simply by forcing myself to repeat things more often. I just don't think I'm willing to. But I do feel guilty about that.
...my desire to communicate/interact with others seems to be a per-item thing.
That is, there is some thing X that I want to discuss. Once I tell someone, generally, I don't particularly want to talk about it any more. Not that I'd refuse, just that I wouldn't seek it. For some things - important stuff, or if it's something I specifically want multiple perspectives on, or when I'm actually seeking advice - that broadens somewhat.
This also works for other interactions - e.g. talking, touch, getting out, etc. As long as the need is fulfilled, I don't pursue it much.
The unfortunate result of this is that I can tend to neglect my old friends. Not because I don't like them any more, or I don't enjoy talking to them just as much... there's just more folk around to fill a particular conversation-need, and I often default to whoever's closest available (which tends to be the newer ones).
It also means that I don't post about things I've talked about; posting is one of the ways I fill a need to talk about X, and if I've already talked about it with someone on IM or in person or whatnot, i don't really have a drive to post it.
For me, it's not just that I won't seek someone out to tell them something if I've already told it to someone else; even if someone seeks me out and specifically asks about it, I still won't want to go into very much detail because I so hate repeating myself. This results, I think, in my appearing to brush people off sometimes, and I don't like doing that.
Another aspect of this mess is that I can usually vaguely remember having told a friend about something, but have a very hard time remembering which friend I told. I'm fortunate to have very understanding sweeties, because it's a little embarrassing to be constantly saying "did I have this conversation with you, or was it one of my other boyfriends?" And this probably feeds into the not repeating things to some extent, as I sometimes just assume unthinkingly that I have already told the person I'm talking to.
I feel like I could change this if I were willing to, simply by forcing myself to repeat things more often. I just don't think I'm willing to. But I do feel guilty about that.
