Avoiding repetition

[vvvexation]

A friend had this to say recently, and it describes perfectly something I've observed about myself for a long time:

...my desire to communicate/interact with others seems to be a per-item thing.

That is, there is some thing X that I want to discuss. Once I tell someone, generally, I don't particularly want to talk about it any more. Not that I'd refuse, just that I wouldn't seek it. For some things - important stuff, or if it's something I specifically want multiple perspectives on, or when I'm actually seeking advice - that broadens somewhat.

This also works for other interactions - e.g. talking, touch, getting out, etc. As long as the need is fulfilled, I don't pursue it much.

The unfortunate result of this is that I can tend to neglect my old friends. Not because I don't like them any more, or I don't enjoy talking to them just as much... there's just more folk around to fill a particular conversation-need, and I often default to whoever's closest available (which tends to be the newer ones).

It also means that I don't post about things I've talked about; posting is one of the ways I fill a need to talk about X, and if I've already talked about it with someone on IM or in person or whatnot, i don't really have a drive to post it.

For me, it's not just that I won't seek someone out to tell them something if I've already told it to someone else; even if someone seeks me out and specifically asks about it, I still won't want to go into very much detail because I so hate repeating myself. This results, I think, in my appearing to brush people off sometimes, and I don't like doing that.

Another aspect of this mess is that I can usually vaguely remember having told a friend about something, but have a very hard time remembering which friend I told. I'm fortunate to have very understanding sweeties, because it's a little embarrassing to be constantly saying "did I have this conversation with you, or was it one of my other boyfriends?" And this probably feeds into the not repeating things to some extent, as I sometimes just assume unthinkingly that I have already told the person I'm talking to.

I feel like I could change this if I were willing to, simply by forcing myself to repeat things more often. I just don't think I'm willing to. But I do feel guilty about that.

Comments

[xolotl-grimnir.livejournal.com]

Hmm... no wonder I don't see very many posts from you.

I say at least post about the stuff for the benefit of others. And also to have some sort of record.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how much "benefit of others" there is, really; that's the other thing that stops me from posting. How many people really want to hear how my day was, after all?

[olego.livejournal.com]

Yup, I'm the same way; except that I don't mind repeating myself. It urks me only when writing emails; that's why if I'm writing an email and it gets deleted (doesn't happen as much since I started using Opera), I get very pissed and finish it later in the day, or the following day.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Only with email? That's interesting. I react the same when an LJ post gets deleted, or for that matter when I say something and someone doesn't hear me.

[olego.livejournal.com]

Now that you mention me, when someone doesn't hear me because it's loud, I get frustrated and usually abbreviate, but I don't go into long speeches. When they aren't listening, I guilt-trip them.

LJ has never crashed on me. Semagic is pretty good like that.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Er, yeah--I meant comment, not post.

[saizai.livejournal.com]

I understand. :-P

For me, repetition isn't so much an annoyance (though that too, a bit), as parts fade in relevance once talked about. And I don't generally talk about things that are unimportant / irrelevant. QED.

I figure that the parts that are still relevant on repeat are those that are important to understanding me, and thus relevant to tell / talk about with a friend. The rest is day-to-day stuff, or less core, and therefore not as important to share.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I guess for me it's a bit of both. And that means, unfortunately, that even the "core" parts that stay relevant I'm still not going to have the patience to repeat very many times in close succession. *sigh*

[secretagentmoof]

I quite sympathize.

I'm not dissimilar - although, for me it's not that I hate repeat myself; it's that I have no idea what people are interested in hearing, and thus don't even think to offer anything to say.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

That's more true for me on LJ than one-on-one; in person I can put out feelers to see if someone's interested before diving right into a topic, and I know I need to pick some topic or other because there they are wanting to talk to me. Granted, this doesn't work nearly as well for people I don't see in person much; having to initiate contact myself is awkward, and now that you mention it, I guess that is at least partly because I don't know if they really want me talking to them.