I can't see A asking that (definitely the non-kink, socially standard type), but I'll have to ask B next time I see him. He's much more forward.
My understanding is, however, that it is the "non-sexual" status that makes them safe, and to think of them as sexy would nullify the safety and put them at the bottom of the "all other men" pile. I've definitely found myself on the female end of this equation from time to time, and knowing that they were interested in a sexual relationship would make me retreat, perhaps even feel betrayed. Like they had just laid quiet long enough to lure me in with the brotherly feel.
I'll have to think about your question as it relates to me -- the answer is not clear. It may be both... if you have brothers, you might understand the perception. As in, you don't even think about it, and if someone else says his butt is sexy, you would blink, try to wrap your brain around it, and discard the idea. It's not that being comfortable with someone makes them less sexy -- it's that the "safe" guy is automatically sexless. This might be because they make absolutely no indication of interest, being uncomfortable with the flirtation game or having been rejected one too many times in the past. Or it might be because the woman needs them to be someone who is not stereotypically male, because she feels threatened or rejected by the male half of the dating pool.
It means they tend to have more female friends, but it also makes them progressively less likely to be seen as dating material by any of them. A paradox.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-07-08 06:12 am (UTC)My understanding is, however, that it is the "non-sexual" status that makes them safe, and to think of them as sexy would nullify the safety and put them at the bottom of the "all other men" pile. I've definitely found myself on the female end of this equation from time to time, and knowing that they were interested in a sexual relationship would make me retreat, perhaps even feel betrayed. Like they had just laid quiet long enough to lure me in with the brotherly feel.
I'll have to think about your question as it relates to me -- the answer is not clear. It may be both... if you have brothers, you might understand the perception. As in, you don't even think about it, and if someone else says his butt is sexy, you would blink, try to wrap your brain around it, and discard the idea. It's not that being comfortable with someone makes them less sexy -- it's that the "safe" guy is automatically sexless. This might be because they make absolutely no indication of interest, being uncomfortable with the flirtation game or having been rejected one too many times in the past. Or it might be because the woman needs them to be someone who is not stereotypically male, because she feels threatened or rejected by the male half of the dating pool.
It means they tend to have more female friends, but it also makes them progressively less likely to be seen as dating material by any of them. A paradox.