Maybe you've just never run into a "safe" guy... or else you don't have the pigeonhole for them. I think a lot of women do.
Actually, now that I think about it, I do know one or two. It's just that I'm pretty sure that's not the reason I'm not attracted to them.
It's like discovering that the nurse who's helping you undress has been checking you out.
Not really, because presumably in your friendships you don't feel sexually vulnerable in the way you do when someone's undressing you.
As someone to whom sex has always been at least mildly anxiety-inducing, having that one person who will never even hint at sex is a great relief. Having them turn into just another man with his mind on sex (even if it is romantic and friendly) is worse than if they had never been safe at all.
Okay, I can see how that would happen if either a) you knew or suspected that the guy in question would be disappointed by your rejection and always kind of be thinking of it afterward and wishing you'd said yes and perhaps actively hoping you still might (which, granted, would be true of a lot of guys--I just don't know that many of them these days) or b) the idea of sex in general was scary. That might indeed be more common than I'd figured, but in the first case it still probably boils down to self-esteem issues on the guy's part, I suspect.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2005-07-09 05:06 am (UTC)Actually, now that I think about it, I do know one or two. It's just that I'm pretty sure that's not the reason I'm not attracted to them.
It's like discovering that the nurse who's helping you undress has been checking you out.
Not really, because presumably in your friendships you don't feel sexually vulnerable in the way you do when someone's undressing you.
As someone to whom sex has always been at least mildly anxiety-inducing, having that one person who will never even hint at sex is a great relief. Having them turn into just another man with his mind on sex (even if it is romantic and friendly) is worse than if they had never been safe at all.
Okay, I can see how that would happen if either a) you knew or suspected that the guy in question would be disappointed by your rejection and always kind of be thinking of it afterward and wishing you'd said yes and perhaps actively hoping you still might (which, granted, would be true of a lot of guys--I just don't know that many of them these days) or b) the idea of sex in general was scary. That might indeed be more common than I'd figured, but in the first case it still probably boils down to self-esteem issues on the guy's part, I suspect.