Not dead yet

[vvvexation]

I haven't been in a writing mood for a while. In fact, it's tough for me to even write down that I haven't been in a writing mood. It's not that less has been going on, it's just that I've somehow quit feeling motivated to write any of it out. This worries me a little because they always say losing interest in things is a symptom of depression, and while I don't feel (I think) any more depressed than I did a few months ago, I have been losing interest in a hell of a lot of things. I have no idea what to do about it, though, or if anything needs to be done. But I figured I'd write this just so I don't appear to have fallen down a mineshaft or something.

Comments

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I hadn't fully realized that before, I guess. Gods know I ought to have done--I mean, when I was ten I had episodes of not caring whether I lived or not, and it took me another decade to realize there was something wrong with that--but somehow I feel like that was different. Like, how can I still be depressed if I don't really feel depressed? Except that I do still feel kinda depressed, just not as much as I used to and not any more than I did a year ago, so how can my other symptoms be getting worse? I still don't quite get it. Maybe I'm just being stubborn.

[secretagentmoof]

I have both dysthymia (low-level chronic depression) and moderate depression. It's fairly easy to tell when I'm moderately depressed, but the low-level stuff is much harder to pick up on; the two manifest themselves fairly differently. I usually have to go and check my paper journal to see when the dysthymia's hitting me to tease out the subtler pattern.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to journal my symptoms, but it only seems to occur to me to record them half the time, if that.