Knowledge without tools

[vvvexation]

Rrgh. I seem to be in one of those phases where the universe is whapping me over the head with information, and yet I can't figure out what to do with it.

Specifically, over the last few weeks I've been gently poked from all directions in ways that have cracked my head open just enough to clarify all kinds of things about myself that I hadn't been fully aware of before--but the problem is that the things I've learned are all whys and not hows. I keep sitting here going "okay, now I know why I have this one problem, but how do I stop having it?" I can't remember the last time I learned so much and felt like it was benefiting me so little.

Incidentally, this is related to the reasons I've been posting less and posting with less content. A year ago I was able to vent all my frustrations here, but the frustrations have remained basically the same since then, and I feel like venting about them again without having successfully done anything to fix them verges on whining and would be awfully tiresome for those around me.

I'm not sure this post has much point. It is in part an attempt to let myself vent again a little now that I at least have something slightly new to vent about.

Comments

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

okay, now I know why I have this one problem, but how do I stop having it?

Nothing helpful here, but I know exactly what you mean. Sucks, doesn't it?

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

now I know why I have this one problem, but how do I stop having it?

I've had some of those for . . . well, decades now. I don't know how to force the answers. They come when they come.

[lintqueen.livejournal.com]

It also might help to talk about the problem ... someone else might be able to give you some ideas on how to approach it from a new point of view.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I've been talking about it some, but the problem is I feel IRL just as I do here--namely, that I've used up most of my whining karma.

[saizai.livejournal.com]

Tell?

Don't just do something...

[ri-whittlesey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what they said. It is common, and I'm another who's had the same experience, repeatedly, over long times; and got frustrated to near screaming -- also, repeatedly.

I've clarified all kinds of things about myself that I hadn't been fully aware of before--but the problem is that I've learned whys and not hows. Okay, now I know why I have this problem, but how do I stop having it? I can't remember the last time I learned so much and felt like it was benefiting me so little.

It is benefiting you. You now know now things you didn't know before, and that's a benefit. But it's the benefit of knowledge, not the benefit of getting rid of the problem. And getting rid of the problem would feel so much better.

A year ago I was able to vent all my frustrations here, but the frustrations have remained basically the same since then, and I feel like venting about them again without having successfully done anything to fix them verges on whining and would be awfully tiresome for those around me.

Of course. We're supposed to do something, right? Or, if we can't, shut up and accept it.

But if it hurt last year, and it's still there, it hurts this year. If you needed tenderness last year, you need it this year. If you 'should' have fixed it by now, it still hurts; it just hurts more.

We're supposed to accept rationed caring and compassion. But caring and compassion are only real when they're not rationed; when there's enough, even though we need more than anybody ever told us we had a right to.

No, none of us are always there for each other, as generously as that. But it's still what we all need from each other. And from ourselves, say I, one of the great impatient screamers at myself. But, "if you only love people when they aren't making damned fools of themselves, you don't really love people very much."

I just looked up Milton's "On His Blindness". The 17th-century syntax feels awkward; and the imagery is deep-core Christian, that having been Milton's belief and his milieu. But he gets to, "They also serve who only stand and waite." We need to get there, ourselves.

"The frustrations have remained basically the same." That happens, and it's frustrating as Hell. I've seen my own frustrations coming round and round again in my journal, in practically the same words, for tens of years. Ouch. But I think each time, I've known some part I didn't know before, and been a little better at handling it.

It is OK to grieve for what hurts. It is important, it is necessary, to grieve for what hurts. It would be wonderful to fix it; but what can't be fixed, yet, has to be cared for and grieved for, not spurned because it isn't 'progress'.

"Don't just do something; stand there."

Re: Don't just do something...

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

But I think each time, I've known some part I didn't know before, and been a little better at handling it.

That is true for me too, or at least I think it is. It may help some to try and keep that in mind more often.

[marmaladious.livejournal.com]

You ever do freewrites? They're great for venting and figuring shit out. It's my main squeeze.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Haven't really tried, no. I might. Can't hurt, I guess.

[marmaladious.livejournal.com]

Just don't stop writing for anything, and don't forcefully direct what you're writing about.. The only rules. I always come up with these crazy insights when I do them.

err... typing