politeness is clearly not boolean, and while it wouldn't have occurred to me to language it that way, I think that is very lovely.
I think that there are a range of behaviors that I see as polite or rude, and some of that is intent. From some people "fuck you, quit whining" is a way to express affection and support. I don't think that all LJ comments require "thank you".
If you and I were at a party, and I had a plate of strawberries and offered you one, I'd sorta expect you to say "thank you", but if you smiled at me or said "these are yummy" or even "hey, should I get us some nutella to go with them", I'd feel like I'd been adequately appreciated or acknowledged. OTOH, if I drove across town at 4 am to rescue you when your car had broken down, I'd want some higher level of thanks.
I'm okay with a range of "what would be the polite thing to do in these situations", but I do have an expectation that one requires something more and the other requires something less. (I'm also someone who would probably, if I didn't get anything in the way of thanks or appreciation in the broken-down-car example, would probably check in with a mutual friend, in case I'd missed something-- like you'd sent me a note, but accidentally sent it to your old address, since you used to live on my street. I certainly wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're rude, and therefore need to be castigated.)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-08-24 07:22 pm (UTC)I think that there are a range of behaviors that I see as polite or rude, and some of that is intent. From some people "fuck you, quit whining" is a way to express affection and support. I don't think that all LJ comments require "thank you".
If you and I were at a party, and I had a plate of strawberries and offered you one, I'd sorta expect you to say "thank you", but if you smiled at me or said "these are yummy" or even "hey, should I get us some nutella to go with them", I'd feel like I'd been adequately appreciated or acknowledged. OTOH, if I drove across town at 4 am to rescue you when your car had broken down, I'd want some higher level of thanks.
I'm okay with a range of "what would be the polite thing to do in these situations", but I do have an expectation that one requires something more and the other requires something less. (I'm also someone who would probably, if I didn't get anything in the way of thanks or appreciation in the broken-down-car example, would probably check in with a mutual friend, in case I'd missed something-- like you'd sent me a note, but accidentally sent it to your old address, since you used to live on my street. I certainly wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're rude, and therefore need to be castigated.)