Is it weird pheromones or something?

[vvvexation]

The guy who does yardwork for my co-tenant just knocked on the front door to tell me the dome light in my car was on. I thanked him for telling me, and went out to turn it off -- and he followed me out there and kept talking. Told me he'd been wanting to meet me for a long time but my neighbor had said not to bother me (which I guess means he'd jumped at this excuse to talk to me), told me his name and flat-out asked for mine when I didn't spontaneously offer it (I fucking hate that). And finally flat-out asked me out, in almost as direct terms as one can without mentioning the word "date."

This based on about two minutes' conversation and, what, six months of mystery? And if he has seen as much of my clutter as I think he might've seen through my windows, I'd think that would be more of a turnoff than anything. I guess maybe the "mysterious recluse" thing has some kind of princess-in-a-tower allure...?

But jeez, I dunno, man.


(Meanwhile, the aforementioned dome light is also behaving oddly; it should've turned itself off last night and I don't know why it didn't. I'm waiting till I'm sure he's gone, though, before I go back out to check if my battery is dead.)

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

told me his name and flat-out asked for mine when I didn't spontaneously offer it (I fucking hate that)

I've been known to reply "Not looking for a partner" (or, depending on context, "Not single") to questions that are just a little too intrusive like that. Oddly enough, the percentage of time it's stunningly effective is really quite high.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Huh. I guess I still am apprehensive about giving that explicit an answer to a not-yet-asked question. And when he did ask, I just tried to politely shut down the conversation. :-/

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that answer is not firmly on the polite side of the line, that's for sure. On the other hand, the couple-few times I've ever used it, it did the right thing quickly, and there are times when I'm massively grateful for that. This is an awkward kind of situation for which I have no truly good answers. :-/

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Yeah. :-/ As it is, I don't think I entirely succeeded in getting the message across that I wasn't interested, but at least I succeeded in escaping from the conversation pretty quickly and without seeming like an asshole. Best I was hoping for, really.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

I like it. Don't know if I quite have the stones to pull it off.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*nod* I almost never do either, but sometimes it's blatant enough that, well, I get blatant myself. I have the feeling that somewhere, in some class I missed in high school, there is a Good answer for this kind of thing.

(NB: Hasn't happened since entering middle age / getting gimpy / gaining a few around the middle. I am SO GRATEFUL for middle age at times.)

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Go neighbor for telling him not to bother you, at least.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd say that was an unusual case of him being clueful, except some part of me wants to think it was based on some misconception or other that just happened to lead him to the right conclusion.

[slyviolet.livejournal.com]

Clearly he is saving you for himself.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

*shudder*

[slyviolet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I figured.

[rose42dance.livejournal.com]

Aw, you have a new puppy!

Puppies - whether human or real - don't get "subtle" or "diplomatic." They prefer direct bonks on the nose, even if verbal. They'll follow you everywhere if you let them. The ones who have no life or personality of their own are the worst - and it sounds like this guy is one of those.

Good luck on steering him clear. Sounds like the nice neighbor was able to assess the situation as "eager clueless fellow does not equal good match for quiet smart reclusive chick." Maybe tap into the neighbor's brain for help on having the puppy back down?

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea if he persists. I don't think he will, though; he's never had an excuse to talk to me until just now, and isn't likely to have another unless he manufactures one. If he does, I think it will be time to tell him directly that I'm not interested, and if somehow that doesn't work or if I chicken out, I'll ask the neighbor for assistance.

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

I guess maybe the "mysterious recluse" thing has some kind of princess-in-a-tower allure...?

What happens if you don't live up to the mysterious princess in a tower image?

If I were in that spot, I'd have politely declined his offer for a date. And just left it at that. You don't need to volunteer any info about not looking for a partner, your single-or-not status, or whether you'd date him if you were. If he is considerate, he can accept a polite "no, thanks".

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

The problem with that is that he did leave just enough ambiguity that I couldn't say "no" to the question I really wanted to say "no" to. If he does get the chance to ask it more directly, I'd like to just say no, but I'm not convinced he'd actually be considerate enough to accept that. Clueless types often get bewildered when you turn them down without an explanation, and sometimes it's easiest to offer one preemptively to avoid dragging the conversation out.

[mordwen.livejournal.com]

Just out of interest, what's wrong with asking for your name?

I think I'm starting to get some clue about why people find me abrasive... here was I thinking for these 40 years that I was just being enthusiastic. 8^(

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

I just...don't think my name is anyone's business unless I'm doing business with them, or unless I decide I want to get to know them. If I choose not to introduce myself to someone, I want that choice to be respected. And in general, when someone I barely know hints that they want something from me, and I don't take the hint, I want them to take the hint I'm sending and not push harder. (If he'd asked for my name before giving me his, it would actually have bothered me slightly less.)

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

But I wouldn't have called his behavior "abrasive." And coming from someone who didn't have a flashing sign over their head screaming "clueless male type," it definitely wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much.