Specifics

[vvvexation]

A more detailed account of just what the upshot of all of today's running around was(*) (as explained to joedecker):

v: Need to go to reduced courseload. For that, need to renew Disabled Student status. For that, need to get shrink to confirm I'm still depressed even though that isn't really the problem, because sleep apnea doesn't count as a disability.
v: New shrink and I got wires crossed and missed tonight's appointment; can't see her again till next week, need forms this week.
v: Old shrink has retired; office of old shrink fucked up and stuck my records somewhere where they can't get to 'em for a while.
v: Meanwhile I can get evaluated by someone else there, but not till, again, next week.
j: hmmm, must be workaround. *ponders*
v: might be
v: if the disability program guy is willing to take my word for it that i'll have the forms next week, and go ahead and sign off for me this week
v: which he might 'cause he's a nice guy, but then his last email suggested he might not
v: or if the dean'll let me drop retroactively, which they've done for me in the past but they've tightened their rules lately and i forget if that's one of the ones they've tightened
v: or if the old shrink people get on the stick and find those old forms and if that turns out to be all i need
v: but that's less likely

And of course, some self-recrimination:

v: this is the nth semester in a row I've tried to pull shit like this at the last minute
v: you'd think I'd've learned by now
v: the sucky thing is, I could've done this reduced-courseload stuff earlier in the semester
v: but I specifically declined because I needed to take a full load to graduate and I didn't want to ask for accomodations I wasn't gonna need
v: i dunno if it was pride or some misbegotten idea of efficiency
j: right, whereas now you're thinking you might take another year
v: *nod*
j: wel, taking on another year is a big Change of Plans
v: yeah...but i could've gotten the reduced load letter anyway, just in case, and then I wouldn't be running around after it now
j: sure
j: but what's done is done
v: yeah
j: not that that helps much, just something I remind myself in times like that
v: i just feel bad 'cause it's such a pattern with me
v: it's not even procrastination so much as i just don't figure out what i should do until the last minute
v: which come to think of it is not quite as bad as procrastination...i suppose that's something

(*) well, actually only most of today's running around--there was also the bit where I had to get authorization to see a cardiologist (it's been two weeks and the meds still aren't working), and found out that before I do I need to get bloodwork done. In other words, there are needles in my future. Fuck. Fuck fuckity fuck.

Comments

Probably not much help

[daltong.livejournal.com]

I'm able to eroticize needles, but then I didn't have a phobia to begin with.

If it would help, I could tell you what I do (it's just a little thing), or I could shut up about the topic.

Re: Probably not much help

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. You might as well tell me, even though I'm pessimistic about it working. I have a high squick threshold, and even if it does squick me it can't make me any more scared than I am already.

Re: Probably not much help

[daltong.livejournal.com]

Okay. I actually have two techniques. These were developed to deal with getting shots in my spine (actually, selective nerve block injections to the interstitial spaces around the nerves injured by my herniated disc).

One technique is straightforward: if it's phallic, and it's penetrating you, then there you go. Not only is it penetrating you, but it's doing so to put good stuff in you or (it helps to be into vampires here) taking stuff out. I've also used straight-up pain play mentality.

Also, I have a non-erotic method which is thinking about the thing deep inside (such as the nerve buried in my back) that needs help but isn't easily reached, and how wonderful it is that there is a thing--a rescue device, if you will--that can skip past most of the cells (and most of the matter, if you think at a quantum level) and can go right in to help this flesh-locked thing. That works for injections; maybe not so much for blood draws. I can totally get a claustrophobic panicky feeling about, say, the arthritic toe joint that cannot be reached any other way, and the idea of the thin rescue machine relieves the claustrophobic feeling.

Re: Probably not much help

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Well, I finally had it done. I didn't quite manage to eroticize the needle itself, BUT I found in the process that thinking about sex in general made a pretty good distraction. That and having a friend with me beforehand did seem to help a lot.